Maternal Internet Addiction -- A New Epidemic or A Symptom of An Old Problem?

I'm going to deviate from my usual "solutions" posting today to reflect on article I just read. Hopefully these reflections will eventually lead to some solutions.

I recently read an article at CNN.com called Why Moms Are At Risk for Internet Addiction. Not only did the article hit close to home, it also got me thinking.

First of all, let me say that I can relate to the author of this article, and appreciate her honesty. I also realized, not too long ago, that my kid were probably seeing more of my profile or my back (while I was on the computer) than they should have. Therefore, I have really made an effort to keep the computer closed while they are home and awake...but I have to admit...it's not easy...and I ask myself, why is the computer so darn tempting?

Apparently, from this article, I'm not alone.  Maternal Internet Addiction seems to be the latest "syndrome" in our increasingly wired world.  Some mothers even so far as to forgo bathing and abuse drugs so they can stay up for more time online, according to the article.   While, I'm sure that mothers who go to those extremes are few and far between, the article seems to indicate that a more mild form of internet addiction is widespread among modern mothers.

I can just see Sigmund Freud, stroking his beard and removing his cigar from his mouth as he says "Very Interesting..." with his Viennese accent.

I, indeed, do find this phenomena very interesting. It brings up many questions and concerns for me. Here there are in no particular order:

1) Are bringing up a generation of children who will feel neglected because their mothers always had one eye, at least one hand,  and perhaps their heart, on the computer?  If so, what will be the result of this particular kind of  "neglect"  in the next generation of adults?

 I remember reading that it was the lonely latch-key kids of the 1980s became the most judgemental and militant stay-at-home-moms,  and it is these moms that created and fed the "mommy wars" of the 1990s & new millennia. What's next? Will our children lead a fight against technology to compesate for their feelings of neglect? (Okay...maybe this is a silly outcome to predict, but I am almost certain that today's internet addicted moms, present company included, will have some kind of impact on the next generation of mothers.)

2) What is it about motherhood that  sends us searching for an escape?

The article outlines several reasons why Maternal Internet Addiction seems to be widespread including:

- Moms feel isolated in their new role, going online helps them connect to virtual communities where they can discuss their challenges.

- Moms often feel like they have given up their interests and identity to become, simply "a mom." Online, they can explore the other dimensions of themselves and "be a whole person"

- Moms can do errands online, therefore they justify their online time because they are "getting things done"

- Motherhood can be boring.  One mom says "I almost get antsy just hanging out with [my kids] so she takes regular breaks to "check [her] email, respond to a Facebook friend request, or order photos from Snapfish."

While all of the above is true, It makes me wonder how previous generations survived motherhood without the internet to turn to, in order to "plug in and zone out."

I guess they were forced to find more people locally to connect to? Or get more involved in hobbies or community organizations? Or maybe many of them just stayed depressed, lonely and bitter...(Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique comes to mind...)

3) What is it about the internet that is so perfectly suited for maternal escape?

I would love to see scientist hook up monitors to the brains of mothers getting their "online fix" and see which ares of the brain are getting stimulated (is it an area associated with comfort or connection, or both, for example?).  But until then, we are left with this one  important question: 

4) What can be done to make motherhood less difficult, and more enjoyable, so that fewer mothers feel the need to "escape" through the internet, or any other unhealthy means?

I don't have any perfect "one-size-fits-all-solution" to this question. No doubt the roots of this problem (i.e. the need for maternal escape)  are partly cultural (as Betty Friedan would argue) and partly simply a part of the nature of the "job" of mothering (They don't call Motherhood "The toughest job in the world" for nothing!) However, there must be something more we can do on an individual and cultural level.

Individually, the only "solution" I can think of is for  mothers to cultivate self-awareness and  take it upon themselves to rediscover ways to de-stress without constantly going online. A simple solution, no doubt, but not always easy, since each of us have different ways to "recharge our batteries" .     Some us need to be with friends to restore our energy, and some of us need to be alone.  Some of us need a sensual experience (like the proverbial bubble bath), and some of us need to learn something new.  Some of us need some kind of accomplishment beyond the scope of our home and some of us simply need a break from the needs of our family.  Finally, some of us need to create order, while some us need unstructured time to rejuvenate ourselves.  The internet seems to be able to satisfy many, if not all of these needs, in some way.

So I guess for now, it is up to us, individually, and collectively, to remind ourselves that while the internet can be a useful tool, and a great escape, it is, in the end, a poor substitute for real life -- and time with our children. 

Now, I must tear myself away from the computer to drive my kids to school!

But before I go...I'd like to hear your thoughts...

Do you think you are addicted to the internet, even mildly? Do you feel guilty about the time you spend online? Is it the nature of motherhood that sends us running for an escape, or is there something we should be doing to reduce our need for escape?  Share your thoughts by leaving a comment!

Comments

[Chana Jenny Weisberg, JewishMom.com]

I agree that this is a huge problem! I occasionally visit a site for Jewish moms called Imamother.com and one woman wrote in a said she was spending 3 hours a day on Imamother! Another acquaintance, a mother, told me she had been totally addicted to facebook, that it was on the whole day and she was checking it all the time. Thanks for drawing our attention to this important issue!

[Anonymous]

I totally agree that more moms today than ever are needing escapes and time to zone out and just chill. I guess in a way it's sad, although very true. It just goes to show how motherhood is such an incredilby awesome and rewarding job, although it can be pretty intense and therefore moms feel like they need a short 'out'. What more convenient medium is there...it's in your own home, pretty kosher (most mothers usually check their e-mail, recipes, etc etc), at your own timing etc etc etc. Thank you for bringing this important topic to our attention. It's really true...I think most mothers could benefit from trying to spend a little less time on the net and a little more quality time with their kids!!!!